I Wish Your Mom was as Dumb as the Dog: The Tempest Papers, Letters from a Boat Cat



Dear Paris,
Today I was having a nap in my favorite secret place when your mother disrupted my slumber with her damned camera. Can a cat not have some peace and quiet in the middle of the evening for a nap without humans feeling the need to stomp about on deck like they’re trying to crush a herd of mice (holy crap, a herd of mice on board would be divine. I could so use a treat of SOME sort since all I get is dry cat food and the rice-slop that your mother tries to pass off as fish.)
Anyway, I was napping and having some sort of glorious dream when the STOMP STOMP abruptly brought an end to my dream state imaginings. I poked my head out of the sail cover (my aforementioned previously SECRET sleeping spot, now discovered and ruined by your MOTHER.) I was then further insulted when she laughed at me. She LAUGHED, Paris. AT ME.


She apparently finds my half sleepy state of confusion to be humorous. She then took photos of me, all the while laughing about the look on my face. Nice. I bet she plans to put it on instagram, too. What the hell is with her and that camera?
The joke’s on her, though. Tonight I am planning my grand revenge. I shall get all of the animals together once the humans are asleep and we will run roughshod over her cabin and hatch. I will probably trip the small dog up and throw her in through the hatch for good measure. We’ll see who looks stupid when they’re awakened out of a deep sleep.
If only I could figure out how to use the camera with no thumbs, I could take a photo of HER and post it on instagram. Damn it.
Wish me luck,
Queen of the boat pets, Overlord of the floating Castle of 11 Purple Monkeys, In need of a new Secret naptime spot