Letter Six: I’m a Contortionist! The Tempest Papers

It’s that time again! “Caturday” or the beginning of the Weekend of Tempest Papers! I’m posting a letter from Tempest each Saturday and Sunday. These are letters that the salty-ass boat cat Tempest writes to her humans back on land.


Dear Paris,
Abyni has been doing some weird things lately. She calls it stretching for ‘contortion’ or something like that. She practices every single day for this. Its crazy. I don’t want to make her feel bad, but look at this shit (I’ve attached a photo, in case you couldn’t tell)
I didn’t even TRY.
I suppose you can add that to my long list of talents and skills. Any word on finding me an agent yet?
I’m going to go practice stretching with Abyni. I’m going to pretend that I can’t do it at all for three days, then BAM! I’m going to lay it on thick with my uber contortionist skills and surprise the hell out of her. Ha. I’m so good.
Practicing assholery, one day at a time,
Queen of the pets, Overlord of the floating castle, The contorting-est contorter of all contortionists.