I Just Received a Bill from my Feline Assistant

So this morning I sat down to do my reading, commenting, upvoting and replies to comments on my posts. I was all settled into my regular steemit routine, when things went slightly awry thanks to my daughter’s cat, Petrie.

Hello, human. I would like to have a word with you.
I see that you’re using all of your available lap space as well as both of your hands to do things unrelated to giving me attention. I believe this should be remedied immediately.


The following is photographic evidence of some of the other tasks that I perform for you on an almost daily basis. Essential tasks that you would be adrift without. Such as (Exhibit A):


In case you can not tell, your daughter’s feet are hiding under this blanket that I am so casually draped upon.

Do NOT make the mistake of assuming that I am asleep OR that I am comfortable in any way. I am on high alert and ready to pounce as the need arises. I shall be like a berserker, coming unglued at anyone who dares breach the sanctity of your humble abode, because that is what I do.


As you can see, I help to keep your child’s feet warm on a daily basis. Thus, You are indebted to me.
I estimate the human cost of this service to be one billion US dollars per month. I will add this to your bill.


Here you can obviously see that I am hard at work at the guardian of the bookshelves. I know these are your most valuable assets, and thus am willing to lower myself to working from a mere shoebox, just for you, because you obviously need all the help you can get. This is a bonus task that I am willing to perform for nearly free. One billion US dollars per YEAR.


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You should also see the accompanying photo as proof of my services of keeping your lap warm and safe from dogs that might accost you and steal your lap space.
I estimate this service to be valued well above one billion US dollars, but for the sake of keeping things simple enough for your human mind, I will just keep your billing in increments of 1 billion US dollars monthly per service performed by Yours, Truly. (That means me, human.)


Now I shall endeavor to impart to you the importance of my most valuable asset. As you can see in the photo above, I have begun to take it upon myself to help with your editing and your creative writing processes. I noticed that you were struggling to find inspiration with your writing, so I determined that I would help you by learning to type myself. As I am just beginning to learn my skills, I will have to continue to help you out on a more… inspirational basis for now.
I will forgo charging you for this service through the month of February, because I am a benevolent and generous soul. After that, it will be added to your bill in the monthly amount of $1 Billion US dollars.


You can find me in my basket whenever you are ready to bring your balance current. I need rest after such a long and arduous week of being there to help with your every need.

You are most welcome for the help. You needn’t even mention it.

I do understand that you may not have the funds on hand to pay me, so for the time being, I will gladly accept crypto currency from you in the form of bitcoin or Steem dollars.

Your Esteemed Assistant,