So this morning I sat down to do my reading, commenting, upvoting and replies to comments on my posts. I was all settled into my regular steemit routine, when things went slightly awry thanks to my daughter’s cat, Petrie.
Hello, human. I would like to have a word with you.I see that you’re using all of your available lap space as well as both of your hands to do things unrelated to giving me attention. I believe this should be remedied immediately.
The following is photographic evidence of some of the other tasks that I perform for you on an almost daily basis. Essential tasks that you would be adrift without. Such as (Exhibit A):
In case you can not tell, your daughter’s feet are hiding under this blanket that I am so casually draped upon.
Do NOT make the mistake of assuming that I am asleep OR that I am comfortable in any way. I am on high alert and ready to pounce as the need arises. I shall be like a berserker, coming unglued at anyone who dares breach the sanctity of your humble abode, because that is what I do.
As you can see, I help to keep your child’s feet warm on a daily basis. Thus, You are indebted to me.
I estimate the human cost of this service to be one billion US dollars per month. I will add this to your bill.
Here you can obviously see that I am hard at work at the guardian of the bookshelves. I know these are your most valuable assets, and thus am willing to lower myself to working from a mere shoebox, just for you, because you obviously need all the help you can get. This is a bonus task that I am willing to perform for nearly free. One billion US dollars per YEAR.
You should also see the accompanying photo as proof of my services of keeping your lap warm and safe from dogs that might accost you and steal your lap space.
I estimate this service to be valued well above one billion US dollars, but for the sake of keeping things simple enough for your human mind, I will just keep your billing in increments of 1 billion US dollars monthly per service performed by Yours, Truly. (That means me, human.)
Now I shall endeavor to impart to you the importance of my most valuable asset. As you can see in the photo above, I have begun to take it upon myself to help with your editing and your creative writing processes. I noticed that you were struggling to find inspiration with your writing, so I determined that I would help you by learning to type myself. As I am just beginning to learn my skills, I will have to continue to help you out on a more… inspirational basis for now.
I will forgo charging you for this service through the month of February, because I am a benevolent and generous soul. After that, it will be added to your bill in the monthly amount of $1 Billion US dollars.
You can find me in my basket whenever you are ready to bring your balance current. I need rest after such a long and arduous week of being there to help with your every need.
I do understand that you may not have the funds on hand to pay me, so for the time being, I will gladly accept crypto currency from you in the form of bitcoin or Steem dollars. Your Esteemed Assistant,