Another weekend of letters from Tempest, the boat cat to her human Paris back on land.
Warning, she has a sailor’s vocabulary and can be quite salty and sassy at times! Our family was traveling down throught he Bahamas on a 40 foot trimaran sailboat with 4 humans, two dogs and two cats.
Last night I proved my worth. I am the highest queen. The bad ass hunter. Better than the rest. The most brilliant crew member ever.
I managed to tackle, corner and kill this intrusive monster. In spite of the smell, I held my breath and I prevailed (bet you didn’t know that cats could hold their breath, eh?)
As I sat with my conquered prey, waiting for the adulation, praise and perhaps some decent foods, I imagined how happy the humans would be to have this putrid, smelly beast finally conquered.
Honestly, I had hoped they wouldn’t make TOO much of a fuss. All I expected was a thank you, perhaps, to go along with my award feast of fresh fish.
Instead, do you know what I got? Fuck all. That’s what. I got scolded. SCOLDED. Like a CHILD.
I swear these humans don’t have a clue as to what I go through for them. I tell you this, if that’s all I get, I’m taking this smelly beast and I’m going to destroy it and leave nasty smelly pieces of it stuffed in every corner of their rooms! Once it starts decaying and drinking up the pace, they will no longer sleep, they will wine and moan like humans do so well… And I will laugh. LAUGH. I will laugh myself to sleep.
Laughing through my tears,
Queen of all pets, overlord of the floating castle, quickly losing my patience with humans.