Letter Two: Humans Are Dumb, The Tempest Papers

Here it is, another installment of the lost letters from Tempest, the Boat Cat to her Human, Paris back on land. A salty sailor cat with a bit of a sailor’s language! The poor cat has been left on a boat to take care of four humans and two dogs along with one other cat, who isn’t much help.

Today Tempest is giving her side of the story when the Georgetown, Bahamas Regatta comes to town:

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Dear Paris,
There was far too much excitement going on yesterday. I’m not going to lie, I thought that perhaps there would be something interesting to break up the monotony of my days, but alas, it was not to be.
Instead it was like a day of stupid human tricks. (Ie: not interesting to a cat’s superior intellect such as mine.)
You’ll remember that we live on a sailboat, of course. I would think it would be a hard thing to forget since our house literally rocks back and forth and is surrounded by… I don’t know… THE OCEAN.
Anyway, the humans were all a twitter (not the social media platform, you idiot, they were going about with an air of excitement). Not just our humans, but I could hear the excitement spilling over from other boats, so I thought it must be something big.
You know what they were all excited about? They al climbed up on their decks, beers in hand (or whatever the hell that nasty stuff is that they drink) and watched excitedly…
As boats went by.

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Boats.
BOATS.
Are you catching the irony right now? These people who LIVE ON BOATS were being highly entertained by watching other boats going by. They said it was a race, but that was a sad spectacle of a race if I ever saw one. My old three legged grandma can run faster than those boats were going and she has arthritis in all three legs.
I’m beginning to think that I’m surrounded by morons.
The smartest one of the bunch,
Tempest
Queen of the boat pets, Overlord of the floating Castle of 11 Purple Monkeys, Sadly unamused by Humans. #tempestpapers


All photos are mine, from our time spent on the boat with Tempest!


Check back tomorrow for some more Tempest Papers!
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